Time Flies....

So, recently I've been thinking about how quickly time goes by. People always say to "take advantage of this time in your life because it'll be gone before you know it." Well, I'm starting to realize that those are very true words of wisdom. I am halfway done with college already and it still feels like I'm in high school sometimes. College is one of those things you look up to all of your teen years. Should I go to college? Which college should I go to? What should I major in? How am I going to live on my own, without my parents? All of these questions run through your mind, and it feels like it's never going to come, and then you look now and realize that you've already been in college for 2 years and that you'll be done and out of college in just 2 MORE years. And if that time comes as fast as the past 2 years have gone, you're basically already done with college! Wow. Right now in my life, I can't wait to get married and be a mom. And then that time will come and go and I won't be able to wait for my kids to go off to college so that my husband and I can be alone again and just grow old together and then be grandparents. It all seems so far off, but right now, thinking back to elementary school, it feels like it was 5 years ago. So if that's the case, where I will be in five more years? I'll be a 40 year old mom with 4 kids and wrinkles forming all over my face. It all just blows my mind. I tend to be very impatient about the future, but I need to realize that it will all come in time and probably too fast, and then everything that I looked forward to will be in the past and I won't even notice it was there because I was too busy focusing on the future.

20 Years Later...

Well... since I'm in the last few hours of being a teenager, I guess I'll share some of my last 19 year old thoughts. The past year has been one of smiles and frowns, laughs and tears, excitement and disappointment, and love and hate. It's been a struggle and an experience in trying to find out who I am and who I'm supposed to be. It's crazy to think that I've been on this earth for 20 years now and I still don't know who I am sometimes. This past year has made me realize that I REALLY still have a lot to learn about love, happiness, kindness, patience and life in general. I think sometimes we don't realize how much there really is to learn and experience in this life until we are caught in a situation where we need knowledge we don't have. We may not be able to learn and experience everything in this world but we need to learn all that we CAN. There are certain lessons that everyone needs to learn and other lessons that are more important for certain people. In my opinion, everyone needs to learn how to love. Truly, sincerely love. Whether it is love for a person or an object or a sport or a profession, you have to love something and have a passion for something. Without love, what is there to be excited about?

Next, I think everyone needs to learn how to have true happiness. Even if some people never achieve it, they at least need to learn HOW it's achieved. Happiness comes from loving the people and things around you. It comes from being grateful for what you have, not constantly wanting more. No one can have everything and YOU have a whole lot more than a lot of people in this world. Happiness comes from recognizing the blessings God has given you and acting upon them in the way he intended you to.

The last important thing I think everyone needs to learn, and one that I have a lot of work to do on, is patience. Patience for other people, patience for yourself, patience for the future, patience for better things to come, patience for love, patience for LIFE. In order to get through this life, it takes a lot of patience, and I've learned that without it, life really is going to be harder. Keep your goals in mind, keep your head up and keep moving forward, but live in the present. If you're always living in the future, you'll never have a past. And one day you'll look back and not know where your life went.

So, I guess I'm just saying that what I've learned in my 20 years is that life is hard and there are plenty of lessons to learn, but have fun along the way and don't get caught up in anything. Yes, you need priorities, but they need to be kept in perspective. After all, no one makes it out of here alive.

Pity Parties and Expecting the Unexpected

It has been a REALLY long time... so I thought it was about time I say something. How about a nice little LiFe UpDaTe :) So, spring semester started about 2 1/2 weeks ago and it feels like it's been AT LEAST a month. Time is going slow. Yuck. Butttttt.... things aren't bad, so it's ok. Anyways, I'm expecting something amazing to happen this semester, which means it's not going to happen. Eventually I'll learn that the good stuff happens when you're least expecting it. So I guess I'm expecting the unexpected? Or I'm unexpecting the expected?...I heard recently that expecting the unexpected makes the unexpected the expected? So really...... I don't know. None of it makes sense to me. Bottom line, I just want something exciting to happen. In any case, life is pretty good these days. On a scale of 1-10... It's about a 7 I guess. I've been working on keeping a positive attitude and not making a fuss about little, insignificant things. It's um... going. I still have work to do :) But, I'm staying busy and keeping my mind occupied with school, school and more school. I'm also dancing a little this semester! I made it into the collegiate dance company and I have rehearsal about 3-4 hours a week. It's so great to not be dance-deprived. So, in addition to schoolwork and tests and interior design projects coming out of my ears, I am dancing!! Which makes a grand total of 18 credits I am taking. Sheesh. And then yesterday, I went to an opening social/interview thing for becoming an I-team leader for fall semester, which should be super fun... I'm hoping :) Something to get next semester started out well! Let's see, anything else I can add to my easy, breezy schedule, Oh ya, I'm also going to try to continue to donate plasma this semester, if I can find the time! But $50 a week can always help a poor little college student. So, with all that said, I'm also going to TRY to have somewhat of a social life. I'm turning 20 years old (that's 1/5 of a century :)) next month and the last thing I want to do is spend my last few weeks as a teenager doing NOTHING but busy stuff! Sooo, maybe I will actually make some new friends and maybe just maybe meet some boys for a change. Preferably boys who actually take a second look at me hahaha. Miracles do happen. Sometimes. :) Anyways, enough of the pity party because that's something else I'm trying to work on and because I hate other people's pity parties so what would make me think that other people enjoy my pity parties? I'm pretty sure no one enjoys other people's pity parties. Phew. I'm out of breath and out of energy. It's about time for me to hit the hay. Happy Cinco De Mayo!! :) Goodnight!

Roller Coaster

My life right now is a seriously insane roller coaster, with corkscrews, loops, ups and downs and a whole lot of twists. Getting through this semester is going to be an experience that I'm not so sure I'm ready for. Projects and assignments coming out my ears already, and right now, I can't even handle myself. My thoughts and feelings are everywhere, to the point where I can't even keep up with them. One day, I'm happy as a bumblebee and the next, I feel like a loser with no friends who sucks at life. I guess that's part of life, but I can't seem to handle it lately. Am I going through a mid-life crisis? At 19?! I tell myself everyday to be happy and look at the positive in things, and to be nice to everyone because everyone is fighting their own battle, but I look around and everyone seems so happy. So... why? I guess everyone else is just better at hiding their feelings.. or something. One day, hopefully soon, I will be able to look at things I used to freak out about, and laugh. Hopefully I'll just be able to live life, and not worry about all the stupid little things, and go through my day with a REAL smile on my face, not one that is pasted on (when I'm even able to do that). I've been working on this for quite a while now and you would not believe how hard it is for me! I'm amazed at what a truly moody, emotional, depressing person I can be. Thank heavens for friends who take me as I am and help me to become a better person and the person I ultimately want to be.

Perfection.

Sometimes life sucks, but sometimes life couldn't get better. It's those little moments that can make the difference. Tonight, I walked outside and there was a full orange moon low in the sky. There was a warm, gentle breeze in the air that made me feel at home. I called my mom because I just couldn't resist. I had to talk to her right then! At that moment, I felt like life couldn't get any better. I felt perfect. There was a storm coming in and I could see lighting and hear thunder rumble in the distance. It was already 10:00 at night, but my night was just starting. After talking to my parents for 30 minutes or so, outside in the beautiful weather, telling them how excited I was to see them in a month, I hung up the phone and made myself a hamburger :) About two minutes later, Malissa came over and we decided to go to the Park and enjoy the amazing weather outside and the storm that was passing through. Kylee, Kelsee, Malissa and I took pictures and walked around the park, simply loving life! The two little hours or so that I spent tonight being completely content with life, were two hours that made me realize something. Yes, sometimes life sucks, but it's those little moments like tonight that make life all worth it. No one in this world is perfect. But there is such a thing as a perfect moment. Tonight I experienced some of the most simple but perfect moments I could ask for. That's what I call perfection :)

Gotta Be Somebody

These lyrics by Nickelback pretty much just sum up what I want to say :) I LOVE this song <3

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of, but dreams just aren't enough,
So I'll be waiting for the real thing
I'll know it by the feeling,
The moment when we're meeting will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen.
So I'll be holding my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with.

Cause' nobody wants to be the last one there.
Cause' everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
Theres gotta be somebody for me like that.

Cause' nobody wants to do it on their own,
Everyone wants to know they're not alone.
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
Theres gotta be somebody for me out there.

Tonight, out on the street out in the moonlight
and dang it this feels too right
its just like deja vu, me standing here with you
so ill be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with....

Cause' nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause' everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
Theres gotta be somebody for me like that.

Cause' nobody wants to do it on their own
Cause everyone wants to know their not alone,
Theres somebody else that feels the same somewhere
Theres gotta be somebody for me out there.

You can't give up
When your looking for the diamond in the rough
Because you never know when it shows up
Make sure you're holdin on
Cause it could be the one,
The one you're waiting on.

Cause' nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
Theres gotta be somebody for me

Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
Theres someone else that feels the same somewhere
Theres gotta be somebody for me out there.

-Nickelback

This One Is Dedicated To My Family...

Well.... I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach for the last few weeks, and it won't seem to go away. Now don't get me wrong, Idaho is amazing. I couldn't ask for anything more. I love it here and can't even remember the last time I was genuinely this happy. But I can't lie. Being away from home and my family has gotten harder the last few months. Mothers' Day was last Sunday, and I have to admit, it was a hard day for me. Of course, I talked with my mom on the phone and before we hung up, she told me she loved me, as always. But this time it was more than that. And I don't even think it was the fact that it was Mothers' Day. I had been thinking about a home a lot, and it just so happens, it was Mothers' Day when I fell apart. I miss home. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss Jeff. I miss Eric. And I miss Tim. And I even miss my puppy! And I miss my house. Not just my home, but my house! Have you heard that song by Miranda Lambert "The House That Built Me?" Well thats what my house is. It is literally the house that built me. It is the house I grew up in. From the day I came home from the hospital almost 19 years ago to the day I left for college. Do you want to know how many times I've laughed and cried and screamed and just brushed my teeth in that house? I can't even start to count. There is just something about that house that I can't even put into words. It truly is my home. And I'm not sure I will ever be able to call anyplace else my real home. I may move around and learn to love the places I'm at, for instance, Rexburg, Idaho, but it will never be Prescott, Arizona.
I watched the movie, "The Last Song" tonight, and both times I've seen it, the main thing I get out of it is the family relationship. Not the love and "romance" parts. I cry in that movie because I think of my little brother. And my dad. I don't think I show it enough. Actually I KNOW I don't show it enough, how much I love them. When I call home, I talk to my mom. I tell HER everything thats going on in my life. I tell HER whats wrong and whats right. I never talk to my dad and brother. And I don't know why... I don't think either one of them are going to read this, but I hope they know how much I love them. My dad, can I just say, is an amazing man. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've gotten upset with him for just watching out for me and making sure everything is going to work out for me. And I've realized that the reason I get upset with him so easily is because I know he will forgive me. I take advantage of his kind heart and don't worry about whats going to happen because I know he'll forgive me. He is the most supportive, loving father I could ever ask for, and I know he just wants whats best for me, but he's gonna make me work for it. I love my Dad.
My little brother. Ha. Same thing. He is one of the most forgiving people I've ever known. And I get mad at him for the same reasons as my dad. I just don't think about it and I take my anger out on him, because I know he will forgive me, and I know he will always love me. I don't think Tim knows how much I appreciate him. Even though I may not act like it a lot of times, I love him so much and care about him all the time! When someone talks bad about him, it makes me so mad! And I get really defensive. I am so grateful for Tim, and I don't know what I would do without him.
Now, for my two big brothers. Gosh. I hope they know that I look up to them so much. And I brag about them all the time. I'm probably one of the proudest little sisters in the whole wide world. haha The funny thing is, they have always intimidated me. And they still do sometimes. Sometimes it's like I don't feel cool enough to be their sister or something. I really don't think they're going to read this so thats why I'm going to say this. If they do read it, well the truth is out. ha. I've never had the best relationship with them. Especially Eric. And it really breaks my heart. Seriously, the first time he told me he loved me, I think I almost died. haha And I won't go into detail, but that night at TGIFridays, when Eric left for New Jersey, was the first time I really, truly realized how much I loved my family and Eric especially. After that, with Eric not there with Jeff all the time, I had the opportunity to strengthen my relationship with Jeff. And to this day, I am so grateful for that. I feel like I can really talk to him. And I feel like he truly loves and cares for me. And I don't think he understands what that means to me. I just wish it was the same with Eric. I wish I could talk to him the way I can talk to Jeff. But no matter what, I hope they both know how much I love them! And how much I look up to them both! They are amazing boys, and I am so blessed to have them as my big brothers.
Lastly, for my mom. Well. I don't think it is even possible to put into words. Or it would take literally forever to explain it! To me, she is the most amazing woman in the whole world. She pretty much made me who am I today and she is one of the biggest reasons as to why I am even able to survive on my own. I owe my life to her, or at least a great big hug (Which I could really use right now). I think about her everyday, and everyday I am grateful for her and the HUGE influence she has had on me my whole life. I love her so much. She is my best friend and no one could EVER replace her.
And for puppy. I love him. And I miss him. A LOT! I need him :(
My family is my whole life. I love them them more than they could ever imagine. All I want is the best for them. I can't wait for the day when we are all together again, because I miss it. I miss the FHEs when we would laugh and just have fun! And I even miss the FHEs when we would all be grumpy and Jeff and Eric would suck at the game just so they could get out and leave early. hahaha Oh man. I would give anything to do that again.
Well...I think I've said enough. :) Goodnight!