Well.... I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach for the last few weeks, and it won't seem to go away. Now don't get me wrong, Idaho is amazing. I couldn't ask for anything more. I love it here and can't even remember the last time I was genuinely this happy. But I can't lie. Being away from home and my family has gotten harder the last few months. Mothers' Day was last Sunday, and I have to admit, it was a hard day for me. Of course, I talked with my mom on the phone and before we hung up, she told me she loved me, as always. But this time it was more than that. And I don't even think it was the fact that it was Mothers' Day. I had been thinking about a home a lot, and it just so happens, it was Mothers' Day when I fell apart. I miss home. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss Jeff. I miss Eric. And I miss Tim. And I even miss my puppy! And I miss my house. Not just my home, but my house! Have you heard that song by Miranda Lambert "The House That Built Me?" Well thats what my house is. It is literally the house that built me. It is the house I grew up in. From the day I came home from the hospital almost 19 years ago to the day I left for college. Do you want to know how many times I've laughed and cried and screamed and just brushed my teeth in that house? I can't even start to count. There is just something about that house that I can't even put into words. It truly is my home. And I'm not sure I will ever be able to call anyplace else my real home. I may move around and learn to love the places I'm at, for instance, Rexburg, Idaho, but it will never be Prescott, Arizona.
I watched the movie, "The Last Song" tonight, and both times I've seen it, the main thing I get out of it is the family relationship. Not the love and "romance" parts. I cry in that movie because I think of my little brother. And my dad. I don't think I show it enough. Actually I KNOW I don't show it enough, how much I love them. When I call home, I talk to my mom. I tell HER everything thats going on in my life. I tell HER whats wrong and whats right. I never talk to my dad and brother. And I don't know why... I don't think either one of them are going to read this, but I hope they know how much I love them. My dad, can I just say, is an amazing man. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've gotten upset with him for just watching out for me and making sure everything is going to work out for me. And I've realized that the reason I get upset with him so easily is because I know he will forgive me. I take advantage of his kind heart and don't worry about whats going to happen because I know he'll forgive me. He is the most supportive, loving father I could ever ask for, and I know he just wants whats best for me, but he's gonna make me work for it. I love my Dad.
My little brother. Ha. Same thing. He is one of the most forgiving people I've ever known. And I get mad at him for the same reasons as my dad. I just don't think about it and I take my anger out on him, because I know he will forgive me, and I know he will always love me. I don't think Tim knows how much I appreciate him. Even though I may not act like it a lot of times, I love him so much and care about him all the time! When someone talks bad about him, it makes me so mad! And I get really defensive. I am so grateful for Tim, and I don't know what I would do without him.
Now, for my two big brothers. Gosh. I hope they know that I look up to them so much. And I brag about them all the time. I'm probably one of the proudest little sisters in the whole wide world. haha The funny thing is, they have always intimidated me. And they still do sometimes. Sometimes it's like I don't feel cool enough to be their sister or something. I really don't think they're going to read this so thats why I'm going to say this. If they do read it, well the truth is out. ha. I've never had the best relationship with them. Especially Eric. And it really breaks my heart. Seriously, the first time he told me he loved me, I think I almost died. haha And I won't go into detail, but that night at TGIFridays, when Eric left for New Jersey, was the first time I really, truly realized how much I loved my family and Eric especially. After that, with Eric not there with Jeff all the time, I had the opportunity to strengthen my relationship with Jeff. And to this day, I am so grateful for that. I feel like I can really talk to him. And I feel like he truly loves and cares for me. And I don't think he understands what that means to me. I just wish it was the same with Eric. I wish I could talk to him the way I can talk to Jeff. But no matter what, I hope they both know how much I love them! And how much I look up to them both! They are amazing boys, and I am so blessed to have them as my big brothers.
Lastly, for my mom. Well. I don't think it is even possible to put into words. Or it would take literally forever to explain it! To me, she is the most amazing woman in the whole world. She pretty much made me who am I today and she is one of the biggest reasons as to why I am even able to survive on my own. I owe my life to her, or at least a great big hug (Which I could really use right now). I think about her everyday, and everyday I am grateful for her and the HUGE influence she has had on me my whole life. I love her so much. She is my best friend and no one could EVER replace her.
And for puppy. I love him. And I miss him. A LOT! I need him :(
My family is my whole life. I love them them more than they could ever imagine. All I want is the best for them. I can't wait for the day when we are all together again, because I miss it. I miss the FHEs when we would laugh and just have fun! And I even miss the FHEs when we would all be grumpy and Jeff and Eric would suck at the game just so they could get out and leave early. hahaha Oh man. I would give anything to do that again.
Well...I think I've said enough. :) Goodnight!
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