The Thoughts of a Pathetic, Single College Girl

I have been having this recurring thought for a long time now and I just need to write about it. Life is such a crazy thing, and when you think about it, it is all about the people around you. I haven't been able to get this thought out of my mind for the past few weeks. There are people in my life at this time for an absolute reason. I wrote a blog about this same thing back in January, but recently it's been on my mind CONSTANTLY. God has placed specific people in my life at this moment and I am convinced that they are there for me to learn from. Although....I just had a thought. One I actually haven't really thought of until now. Maybe they are in my life because THEY need to learn something from ME. Hmm.... maybe God places some people in my path so that I can be an answer to their prayers... a blessing in their life. Maybe instead of focusing on everything that I can learn from others, I need to focus a little bit more on how I can help THEM. Something to think about.

Ok, but the real reason I even started this blog post is because of another thought that I've been having recently. Alright so yes, I am a little bit pathetic when it comes to dating. I think about it WAY too much and am maybe a little too focused on it. Easy to do when you go to a school like BYU-Idaho though. Anyways, I catch myself thinking a lot about my future husband. I mean, who wouldn't think about the person they are going to spend the rest of their life with, plus eternity? He's a pretty important person. So, I find it a pretty interesting thing to think about where he could be right now and what he is doing. I love this quote that says, "Right now, someone you haven't met is out there wondering what it would be like to meet someone like you." I love this quote! It gives me so much hope! hahaha I think it's funny to think about how God probably has this timeline and He is just up there laughing at me. On His calender it says on, say, October 27, 2012, "Wendy will meet her future husband." But I sit down here and drive myself crazy thinking about it and trying to figure out why I haven't found him yet! And then God is just saying, "Honey, you need to have patience. It'll happen soon enough!" I wonder why He has to make it so frustrating and confusing! Seriously. Sometimes I feel like it's just not fair that He gets to sit up there and know everything and laugh at us trying to get through this crazy life! Don't get me wrong, I know He does it all for a reason and I know He doesn't really sit there and laugh at us, but I have to believe that He has a sense of humor and get's some entertainment out of it. He is a loving God and is always by our side and always always always wants what it best for us, but He also likes to drive us crazy with questions! I guess that's all part of the learning process of life but... AHHH! Sometimes I can't stand it! Anyways, that's probably enough rambling for one night. Enough is enough. Goodnight!

Quotes

I have this love for and fascination with quotes. For some reason when I see or hear a quote that fits how I feel or says exactly what I want to say, I get this feeling of satisfaction, like, life is going to be better now because I found this quote. It's weird. I don't really understand how a few words can make me feel so different. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't write it and knowing that someone else out there feels or felt at one point the way I feel. Or maybe it's just that I know I can refer back to it any time I need to hear those words again. I don't know why it makes such a big impact on me, but when I hear a good quote, I get this indescribable feeling like.... wow. That's exactly what I needed to hear! And now I have the motivation and confidence to put it into effect in my life. This is one of the many quotes I'm learning to live by at the moment:

I'm trying to find the good in everyday, even if it's not obvious. Actually, ESPECIALLY when it's not obvious :)

One Step At a Time

I want to do some good in this crazy world. Something that will make a difference in someone's life. It's an intimidating thought though. It feels like such a big task... but Rome wasn't built in a day. Take it one step at a time and one day at a time. If you set your mind to it, one day you'll make a difference. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm making a game plan, and I'm going to make a difference. I don't know how long it's going to take or who it's going to effect, but it's gonna happen. It's happening. Starting... now!

Summer!

So lately I've been in a bit of a summery mood, which is weird because we just had a snow storm two days ago. haha Anyways, for some reason I've been thinking a lot about summer and I'm so excited for this summer because I get to spend it at home! For the past two years I have spent summer in Idaho, so I'm excited to go back to Prescott this year :)

This is why I love summer in Prescott.

Beautiful Sunsets

Swimming with Timmy :)

Eating food like this

And homemade birthday cakes from mom!

(21 this year! Crazy)

Ah, I can't wait! Also, something that's a little weird for me, because I normally hate swimsuits, I'm excited to wear a swim suit! haha But that would mean that I need to find a cute swim suit to wear! I've been seeing some on pinterest and I think that's what did it. Look at this one!

Ahhh...CoLoR. I love summer colors! These just make me so happy :)

Late Spring, Early Summer :)

Lastly, Monsoon Season! I can't wait! I LOVE Arizona monsoon season!

Well, there you go. SuMmEr. It's coming! :) But don't get too excited, Rexburg might snow a few more times before then.

Making Changes

Alright, I'm making a decision. I don't want to be the owner of a depressing blog anymore. So, from now on, this is a happy blog :) Starting.... NOW!

This girl is my inspiration :) I love Felish <3

This is life.

Do you ever feel trapped? Or weak? Or just plain tired? I do. This semester, school isn't bad. It really isn't. My schedule is pretty light and I've had an unbelievable amount of free time, but in ways, this semester has already been harder than others. I guess I'm in that time of my life when things are just hard. I mean there are hard times no matter where you are in life, but now is.... just different.

College is my life. It's everything right now, and all the things that come with it: dating, making money any way you can, roommates, school work, wondering if I'm gonna get that internship I so desperately need this summer, trying to stay healthy, and so on and so forth. It gets to be a lot. Donating plasma twice a week doesn't help either. It's draining. I love the fact that I am helping to save lives, and I'm getting money for it (back to that "any way you can" concept), but it really is draining. Physically and mentally. Sitting with a needle in my arm getting my blood pumped in and out of me for an hour and a half every week isn't my favorite thing to do in the whole world. Also, I haven't had the best experiences with it, so that makes it harder to go back. But I keep going. And after it's over for the day, it's worth it, but it gets tiring. My arm always aches, and my fingers are always bruised, but I know it's worth it. After all the plasma I have donated in the past year or so, I wonder where it all is right now. I wonder if MY plasma has saved a precious life. I wish there was some way to know. But, I have no idea. My hope is that I have saved many lives by doing this, and that's why I keep going (and it doesn't hurt that I get paid haha).

Anyway, I think I'm getting off track. The whole point of this blog post is that I feel.....tired. In a weird way. I get more than enough sleep every night and school work is light compared to past semesters. But there is something about this semester that's just hard. I've felt sad, heart broken, forgotten, alone, nervous and angry. But I've also been extremely happy and content and ready to face a new adventure. But facing new adventures is hard for me. Especially when I have to break out of my shell and be something I'm not naturally. That too is draining. It's hard to be something you're not. I AM a happy person and I like being social, but putting myself out there and meeting new people everyday and trying to give them the impression that I'm a really outgoing person and am always happy, is not me. But I see all these couples everywhere and I wonder, how am I going to be one of those couples if I don't put myself out there? I mean, he's not just gonna come to me while I sit in my apartment watching chick flicks and eating ice cream, just wishing I was in love. I guess I'm just sick of actually putting myself out there and getting nothing out of it. So far it's been, not a complete failure, but close (haha), but one day, it won't be a failure! I just wonder when that "one day" will be here.

Last semester, I got used to having someone there, and being one of those couples, but when it ended, I thought it would be easier than it's actually been. I'm not someone who has done a whole lot of dating. I'm pretty used to being single. But the past month, I've had a hard time with it. I liked not being single for a while, and although the relationship wasn't going to work out, and I knew that, it didn't mean that I wanted to be single again (haha funny how that works), and for some reason, it's been hard. Well, harder than I thought it would be. So, I've found ways to get my mind off of it, like running and biking 4 hours every week and pushing myself to make and keep these goals. Not only does exercising get my mind off of this stuff, but it makes me feel better about myself. Ya... I feel sad sometimes. I'm going through some trials, but who isn't? Everyone is fighting a hard battle. I feel tired and sometimes I just want to give up and throw in the towel, but where is that gonna get me? It's never really over, no matter how badly you want to give up. So, it's up to me how I wanna do this thing.

People, Places and Airplanes

I think it's fascinating how you can be in the same place as someone, and an hour later, you can be hundreds of miles apart. Right now I'm sitting at the Airport, waiting for my flight back to Salt Lake City so I can be on my way back to school in Idaho. There's a flight boarding for San Diego, and as I watch all of these people walk on to the plane, I think about how in a few hours, they will be in California, and I'll be in Idaho but right now, we are face to face. So many different people from different backgrounds all going to different places. It's so interesting to think about how these people have come into your life for a minute or even 20 minutes, but like that, they're gone. Where could all these people be going? And why? What brought them here at this time, the same time as me? Why has God put them in my path at this time? Is there really a reason? I once heard someone say to think about how many millions of people there are in this world that you will never come in contact with, so don't you think that those that are put in your path are put there for a reason? I would think so. Maybe they are just there for your entertainment, maybe there is something you're supposed to learn from them, or maybe they are just there to make you think about why they're there. I just think it's a pretty thought provoking subject. So, one of my new years goals is to pay more attention to the people around me and figure out why God has put them in my life. If there's a reason, I intend to know what it is :)