Life-Long Learning

Life can be full of complications. Even if there are no huge trials going on in your life at the moment, still just everyday emotions and human existence come with challenges. That's me. I'm not going through any crazy life challenges right now. I'm alive and well, everyone I love is alive and well, I have a safe home, a good education, Andre and I are able to provide for ourselves, we have food on our table everyday, the list could go on and on. Yet, even though life is fairly simple and easy at the moment, I feel like I am constantly analyzing myself, and trying to right my wrongs, change my attitude, be a better wife, a better friend, a better family member, a better stranger, just a better person in general. That alone can make life complicated. I unfortunately fall prey to the natural man most of the time when dealing with emotions, and it is a constant battle for me to just show happiness in my everyday life! I honestly think that I just take things too seriously, and I over-think and complicate simple situations. I take things too personally and I worry too much about how other people see me. We'll also throw in there the fact that hunger makes me pretty cranky. Andre knows this all to well. And for some reason, I seem to be hungry all the time. haha

Andre and I are coming up on our 2-year wedding anniversary, and I am realizing that I am not as far along with my learning, changing and improving as I hoped to be at this point. I still get mad and offended by dumb little things. I show pride and selfishness constantly, and I easily try to place blame away from myself. Though these descriptions make me sound like an awful wife, I feel like I am ALWAYS analyzing my life and trying to be better, yet I'm still not even close to the person I'd ultimately like to be. Well, this is when I have to take it back a notch and look at it from an eternal perspective. 2 years. 2 YEARS! That's nothing! God does not expect perfection right now, and neither should you or I. It is a constant learning process, and will be for 50+ years to come. I am 24 years old, and if you think about 24 years on this earth, you'd think someone that's been doing something for 24 years should know what they are doing! Ya well, most of the time, I feel like I don't. But it's ok. If I live until I am 100, that means I'm not even 1/4 of the way done with my earthly life. That's nothing... again! I mean, I'm not even a mother yet, and once that phase starts, that'll be a whole new beginning to a life I have a hard time even comprehending right now. 

So, I started out this post feeling unsure of myself. Feeling doubtful, insecure and disappointed in who I've been. Well, yeah, I make mistakes, but it doesn't mean I'm a horrible person! Especially when I still have so much life and learning ahead of me, and everyday hands me something new. If we were supposed to be perfect and know everything by the time we were 24, there would be no reason to live until we're 100. None of this gives us a reason to give up on ourselves and stop improving or justify our mistakes, but it does give us a chance to realize that we are all human and that God gives us learning experiences on purpose. So, I guess the next time I want to be hard on myself and tell myself that I'm a bad wife, a bad person, or not good enough, I'll just have to chill and remember to take life one day at a time. You should too :)