I learned something today: Things change. I went to the Kirkham ballet studio today, planning on dancing my little heart out for the first time in about 3 months. There is something that only dancers can understand. I simply call it being trapped inside your body. Dance is so much more than simply movement. It is an expression. A way of showing your emotions and passions through the movements. For me, it is a stress reliever. But mostly, a true passion. I feel like not dancing these last few months has been killing me slowly. So, I thought I'd go to the studio and get out of my body for a while. Well, since I have never taken such a long break from dancing, little did I know that dancing wouldn't be as easy and breezy as it used to be. I walked into that dance studio thinking, "man, this is gonna be great. I can't wait to FLY." But as I started dancing, I got tired extremely fast. I had no endurance. I had little strength. I couldn't fly like I used to be able to. It used to be so easy. I used to feel like a bird. And today, I felt like a bird that forgot how to fly. I left the dance studio still feeling trapped. Still feeling like I could do better. But I couldn't. I had no energy left. I had no endurance. No strength. No wings.
I know that when you don't do something for a while, you lose your touch. You get out of shape. I know that if I went back to dancing everyday, I would be fine, but I won't be doing that. And not dancing is just going to make me worse. Going from dancing almost everyday for 13 years to not dancing at all has been hard enough. Seeing and feeling what I did today made me cry. I'm not gonna lie. It was hard to see myself like that. Going from my prime to this is breaking my heart. Oh how I would love to dance next semester. At least a couple days a week. But I don't have time. And the only thing worse than how I felt today, is stopping dance completely, and losing my passion. I can't let that happen. Although my education and starting my career is very important, I'm not going to let it ruin my first true passion. Dance. I want with all my heart to feel like a bird again. I don't know when that will happen again. I don't know when I will have the time to get back to the way I was before, but I will make it happen. Even if I have to wait until I'm out of college. I will be like a bird again.
